Leaked: The CEO’s announcement about impending change

A leaked transcript of the CEO’s address that is based on a standard script that is circulated only in select cirles

Dear members of the marketing team

This is to announce the new management changes in our company. Mr. Gugu who has served us for 17 years as the head of marketing will now be promoted to a strategically important role in exploring low cost innovation opportunities for rural markets.

Mr. Gugu’s illustrious stint in marketing was marked by his sharp and timely sense of humour. We can never forget the jokes that he used to crack to help us tide through the tough days. Even as our market share collapsed and our profits nose-dived, Mr.Gugu’s antics kept us in a state of hysterical laughter. I would also like to mention the key role he played in training our fledgling team. Every single employee across functions was sensitized to the potential of marketing and brand building. Gugu has also never failed to remind us that our marketing has never been as good as our competitors, and this is a view he has held from the time he entered the company right thro his sterling stint with us. If today we are even aware of the path breaking and awe-inspiring brand strategies of our competition, we have only Gugu to thank.

Mr.Gugu has always commanded high respect in the advertising fraternity. No awards function goes by without Mr.Gugu presenting the awards and in his 5 year stint as the marketing head, we are proud to say that we have been one of the key sponsors for many industry events that have raised the profile of Gugu as one of the foremost visionaries in the marketing industry.

We are sure Mr.Gugu will continue to be an inspiration to all of us and be a constant reminder for what we could have been.

Mr.Dani will be taking over as head of marketing from tomorrow. Mr.Dani is a world renowned turnaround expert who has specialized in creative destruction. He has an unbroken string of business-wins and he prides himself on never staying too long in organizations that could sully his track record.

Mr.Dani has been mandated with bringing in all the systems and processes that have proven successful in other organizations he has worked with. Mr.Dani also has extensive connections with high-potential star managers from his previous employers who are ever willing to follow him into any of his ambitious ventures.

Mr.Dani is known to tolerate no fools and has pioneered an exclusive management tool that identifies the bottom 85% of every organization who he classifies as the modern organizational fool. I am sure that under Mr.Dani’s transformational leadership, whoever happens to remain in this company would find themselves working under a man who believes in backing his chosen team to the hilt.

At this critical juncture, I appeal to the entire marketing team to not get swayed by rumours about the negative impact of organizational change. I want to reiterate the great importance we attach to our employees and I would be greatly pained if any of you leave our employment before we have a chance to pass judgement on your performance.

Wish you all the best in the present circumstances.