The Animal Farm goes to War: A Cautionary Tale

Animal farm cartoon

The animal farm’s going to war and the the Pig’s the general.

He asserted his right to lead, and in the absence of any more ferocious animal at the farm, it was accepted.

The pig looked at the cow and saw the horns and decided the cows will lead the charge. Little did he know that cows are quite content just munching on grass even when all hell breaks lose. You might wonder what happened to the bulls. The bulls are the lone bunch of animals who don’t recognize the pig’s right to lead. But they keep out of the pig’s way and stubbornly refuse to enter the battle.

The Pig looked at the goat’s love for food and made her in charge of the canteen. Goats are known to polish off everything that can be eaten, but that is never held against them. They always manage to look so sad and under-fed that when the hungry (often bruised) army comes back to eat, the needle of suspicion  normally points to the chicken who’s the cook.

Good to eat, Good to cook – said the garrulous pig looking at the chicken. And nobody had the language to counter such a seemingly unassailable and quite poetic comment. So that’s how the chicken became the cook. And since chickens are quite timid by nature, when the hungry army throws a fit, the chicken jumps into the fire and offers herself as food. A lot of chicken feathers are used to decorate the walls of the farm, and the animals always have a nice word to say about the chickens, albeit posthumously.

The Pig wanted a mount. He mistook the ass for a horse and mounted it to lead the way. That basically meant that nobody else could run faster than him, so all the troops moved at a quite leisurely pace trundling behind the pig’s ass. The ass was of course quite kicked with this surprising elevation in status and even managed to learn how to neigh like a horse.

The horses wanted to just run ahead of the pack, but were kept in check by a pack of dogs. The dogs are quite ferocious and can intimidate most of the animals in the farm. So the dogs kept barking at any horse that wanted to trot faster than the ass, and were even seen snapping at their legs if they didnt listen.

When the army reached the battle field, we could see a lot of limping horses, a pack of dogs that seemed to be directing their fury at their own army, and a beaming ass. And languid cows munching on grass.

The Pig lost the battle, screamed at the troops, trudged back to the farm, ate chickens for dinner and retired for the day.

The cat was of course watching all this but she was not going to raise a purr. Even pigs know cats can’t be tamed and are too selfish to fight another’s battle. But since cats are known to be smart, they are sought out after every battle to analyze what went wrong.

All night long, the cat hears the Pig out. But never says anything.

She just walks away with her tail held high, and leaves a defeated pig, who’s none the wiser after every battle.